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Hasbian Character
Crush Quiz
Mizz magazine eat your heart out!
Back when BuzzFeed could've been a brand of honey, the way to find your truth was by circling letters in glitter gel pen and counting up your As and Bs.
Take the Hasbian character crush quiz, to match you with one of the characters in Hasbian.
Hasbian is based on Beth's REAL 00s teenage diaries.
To save the blushes of Beth's real friends (and foes), all the names in the diary have been changed to the name of the actor who'd play them in a 00s teen movie of Beth's life.
Answer 10 scientifically formulated questions & find your y2k crush
Then let us know how accurate the results were!
Wanna see the show, to find our more about your crush?​
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June 25 - 29 at Omnibus Theatre, Clapham
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Question One:
What's your usual ‘type’?
A. Quietly mysterious
B. Sweetly supportive
C. Intensely passionate
D. Wildly rebellious
E. Hilariously funny
F. Wholesomely nerdy
Question Two:
Do you have a gender(/-expression) based preference in a partner? ​​
A. Masc
B. Femme
C. Stop making me choose! I could never stick with one (person, gender, type)
D. I don't mind as long as we have lots in common & I feel comfortable talking to them
E. I don't mind as long as they're FIT AS
F. I'm looking for a platonic valentine so this doesn't really come into it.
Question Three:
How do you meet? (Hasbian is set in the 00s, there's no Hinge)​
A. We knew each other for years,before we got to "know" each other
B. Through a shared interest
C. They were in the right place at the right time (nearby, when I got dumped)
D. Deep chats on MSN Messenger
E. Through a friend
F. They just started talking to me one day
Question Four:
What's your first date? ​​
A. Go to a house party and snog all night
B. See my fave girl group in concert
C. Grab a coffee at the mall
D. Go round theirs & listen to CDs of bands I've never heard of
E. Invite them to mine to watch TV (Brit Awards & Chill)
F. We walk home together & stop at the shop for snacks (not a date just a daily ritual)
Question Five:
What do you wear to impress them?​
A. An item of theirs I kept hold of
B. Double denim
C. Brand new Doc Martens (the blisters hurt, but they make me taller)
D. An original band shirt (no, it's not pre-aged, yes I can tell you my fave album - and all the band members' birthdays)
E. A tight corset
F. Elaborate cosplay from our fave franchise
Question Six:
What's their signature style? ​​
A. Knitwear - but in, like, a cool retro way.
B. Double denim
C. Smudgy eyeliner
D. A parka
E. A sweeping 00s fringe
F. Knitwear - but in, like, a cute nerdy way
Question Seven:
How do they express their devotion?​
A. Introduce me to their family
B. Swear to never let go (even if they do, quite soon after, let go)
C. Make a card
D. Make a mixtape
E. Cook me breakfast
F. Make me a friendship bracelet
Question Eight:
What's the catch? ​​
A. They're not the gender I normally date
B. Their family won't accept our relationship
C. They like someone else more than me
D. I like someone else more than them
E. They're almost TOO fit
F. We don't fancy each other
Question Nine:
What's your song?​
A. Weezer - Pink Triangle
B. B*Witched - Blame It On The Weatherman
C. Placebo - Every You & Every Me
D. Green Day - Nice Guys Finish Last
E. tATu - All The Things She Said
F. Destiny's Child - Independent Women
Question Ten:
What 90s/00s movie/tv show do they belong in? ​​
A. A wholesome comedy - That 70s Show, or Sabrina The Teenage Witch
B. Something intense & angsty - Girl Interrupted or The Craft
C. An indie cult classic - But I'm A Cheerleader or Ghost World
D. Something with a great Soundtrack - Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Empire Records
E. Something with a strong parental advisory notice - Skins or Cruel Intentions
F. A buddy movie - Wayne's World or Bill & Ted
Meet your crush
Mostly A's your crush is...
Ashton
"He's just what my family and all their friends want me to have. So it HAS TO LAST!"
Dude, where's my boy-next-door?!
This cutie seems like sweetness on a (very tall) stick.
He's Mr Right, perfect for taking home to your family, but also retains an air of quiet indie-boy mystery behind his floppy fringe.
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But is he really emo, or just emotionally unavailable?
Will you be destined to go to prom together and live happily ever after?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
Mostly B's your crush is...
Lindsay
"I have always loved Lindsay I think, but I want to stay best friends with her"
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You never believed in soulmates till you met Lindsay.
You start dressing the same (double denim) & want to spend every minute together.
Is this friendship or infatuation?
Can you be together if her parents don't approve?
What's gonna happen when she starts making friends with other people?
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Is Lindsay about to become a mean girl - or are you just being a teenage drama queen?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
June 25 - 29 at Omnibus Theatre
Mostly C's your crush is...
Natasha & Clea
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"Natasha and Clea made me a card to cheer me up, they're so sweet!"
Who says you always have to make up your mind?
This pair of pals are attached at the hip, which means they come as a two-for-one: bring it on!
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These rebel grrls go to the local gay youth group, so learned a lot of what was missing from Section 28-era Sex Ed, and can't hardly wait to teach you a thing or two.
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But are they too hopelessly devoted to each other to be on your cheer team?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
Mostly D's your crush is...
Joseph
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"Wow! I know nothing about the art of drumming but Joseph was fantastically AMAZING?!"
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The less obvious choice for leading man, Joseph’s a bit nerdy, but in an impressively devoted way that’s kind of… adorable?
Like, this is a boy you can actually TALK to. Plus, he’s a genuinely talented musician!
But will you recognise his leading man potential in time? Will he find 10 things he loves about you - or get annoyed at having to solve your dating dilemmas?
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Will he have time to go out with ANYONE in between band practice and matchmaking his pals with each other?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
June 25 - 29 at Omnibus Theatre
Mostly E's your crush is...
Kate
"We woke up after the party, and Kate made me pancakes and WOAH, she is SO gorgeous."
Kate is sex on legs - literally! This androgynous hottie has a gorgeous collarbone, perfect hips, and a cute smile.
Plus, she has long fingers and is good at… making pancakes.
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So maybe you should do the whole “going out” thing with Kate? After all, your star signs say it could work out…
But is she really all that? Will she say the 'L' word, or does she have cruel intentions?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
June 25 - 29 at Omnibus Theatre
Mostly F's your crush is...
Alyson
"I stayed over at Alyson's dad's house and we pretended to be Normal Teens - fun!!!"
Never mind crushes, your closest bond is with your BFF 4evaaa! This relationship is entirely platonic: Alyson’s the kind of pal who, in 20 years time, you'll still want to stay up all night watching 00s movies with.
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Every Scooby gang needs a mega-geek on board, and every Main Character needs a trusty confidante to share EVERYTHING WITH.
But what happens when you both share a soft-spot for the same person?
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See Hasbian to find out more about your crush!
June 25 - 29 at Omnibus Theatre